As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized it’s more important to fill your career with work that you don’t need to escape from. A vacation should be something that you want and take advantage of, not something you need.
For a lot of years, I have worked in jobs that were high pressure and high stress, with people who were stressed out and working extra hours and occasionally burning out. No matter how hard I tried not to be like that, I would also eventually find myself fanning those same emotional flames and heading towards burnout and breakdown.
As a teenager I had a stressful family dynamic, and I was able to train myself to largely ignore drama and certain stressors. I became able to not worry about things I couldn’t control. I learned to use humor as a defense and developed a calm persona. It became so ingrained that when my wife and I first met and had our first date, her mother’s first question when picking her up was “Why did you kiss that priest?!”
I’ve had more than one burnout period in my life, but they all followed a similar pattern. The one that most closely follows the general pattern I saw was this:
I took a much needed and overdue long-weekend camping trip with some friends. I left on Thursday night to pay for and reserve three adjacent tent lots, and everyone would trickle in over Friday afternoon and evening. On Saturday afternoon I broke a wheel off my car doing a stunt (mountains don’t move, remember that lesson folks). Police were called, but no one got in trouble (ah, the days of innocent stupidity). My car was towed to the garage for a mechanic to look at on Monday. The rest of the weekend was spent with friends, drinks, and music playing around the fire. Hiking, swimming, general merriment. Come Monday morning, I get a call on my cell from the garage – it’ll take about two weeks to get the part for the wheel assembly. And there it was: a sudden wash of relief. The realization that I didn’t have to go home today, or anytime really soon. No work. No work. No, no work. Here’s my credit card number, thank you very much, please call me if anything changes and when it’s done. My friends are going home, a few asking if I want them to stay for another day or two, me saying no, no, don’t worry, I’ll catch a ride tomorrow or call someone local. It’s all good, have a safe drive!
So that was it. It was gentle, it was calm, and I felt like screaming with relief and gratitude and more relief at the same time. I spent two weeks camping there, catching the bus to the nearest motel to do laundry and get supplies, watching wildlife, hiking, playing guitar, writing music, reading, and understanding that if I hadn’t been given the opportunity to do this, things would have only gotten worse. I don’t think I stopped smiling the whole time. I couldn’t believe how much lighter I felt, how much brighter everything looked. To this day, if I really let myself remember that bit of time, the trees in my yard really do seem greener and the sunlight warmer for a few minutes.
I don’t expect you to immediately quit your stressful job and find something awesome, but I do want to emphasize how important it is that your career (and life!) not require an escape hatch, no matter how occasional it might seem to be needed. If I hadn’t had those occasional releases in my life, I’d be dead right now.
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